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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22945651">what this body was made for</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/karikes/pseuds/tauraya'>tauraya (karikes)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>author's favorites [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(but also the author loves using the word meatsuit and she will not apologize), (very sarcastically), (wow using the word meatsuit will DRAG the readers right in she says to herself), Character Study, Don't know precisely how to explain it, I guess I'd like to warn you that there's some amount of body dysmorphia?, M/M, Poetry, Romance, but this deals with steve not knowing what the fuck to do with so much change, especially in his meatsuit, with a side dish of - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:28:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>756</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22945651</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/karikes/pseuds/tauraya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>you blink.<br/>your mouth forms the only word<br/>you will cling to after the universe stops expanding.<br/> <br/></i><br/>A stucky poem I wrote like a year and a half ago that I'm still proud of. Rated T because both Steve and I have a foul mouth.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>author's favorites [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>what this body was made for</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Publishing something after not for a whole entire year? Rough. But I'm doing it. Poetry doesn't do well on ao3 as a general rule, but doesn't matter! I'm breaking the silence, and for the 3.5 people who read this: thank you. For my regular readers: There will be <i>something</i> before the end of the year. Actual fic, not just poetry, lol.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> i. </em><br/>
you blink.<br/>
you touch your hand.<br/>
you’ve grown a mile.</p><p>that’s what it feels like-<br/>
five thousand two hundred and eighty feet<br/>
have crammed their way between your<br/>
own two feet and the crown of your head.</p><p>you blink.<br/>
you touch your hand.<br/>
your bones feel stronger.</p><p>that sounds fucking dumb and you know it,<br/>
but your bones feel stronger,<br/>
like you’ve been standing on infirm ground<br/>
your entire life and it’s only just now<br/>
you know how to stand properly.</p><p>well.<br/>
your spine never was much for <br/>
sticking up straight,<br/>
so maybe yeah. <br/>
maybe you are standing properly<br/>
for the first time in your damn life.</p><p>you blink.<br/>
you touch your hand.<br/>
your skin is tighter, warmer,<br/>
<em> better. </em>
</p><p>everything about you is <em> better, </em><br/>
and while you’re so goddamn grateful<br/>
to <em> breathe </em> without the threat of a lung giving out,<br/>
you have only ever had the one body.</p><p>what do you do with a new one <br/>
when the old one was <em> yours </em><br/>
and this one is the property of the <br/>
United States Government with a capital g?</p><p>well.<br/>
you blink.<br/>
you open your eyes.</p><p>you see color,<br/>
vivid blue and red and green and <br/>
the world is bursting with so much<br/>
that you never really missed<br/>
because those eyes were the only ones you had.</p><p>your left ear is working,<br/>
and the feeling is so strange that <br/>
you start to cry.</p><p>it’s stupid.</p><p>you blink.<br/>
you shut your eyes tight,<br/>
squeeze them until all those colors<br/>
burst on the inside of your eyelids.</p><p>
  <em> ii. </em><br/>
you blink.<br/>
it is today.<br/>
today, today.<br/>
today that was unthinkably far in the future<br/>
to the old you with a spine that wouldn’t work,<br/>
a whole fucking body that wouldn’t work.</p><p>you close your eyes <br/>
and try to find the warmth of familiarity.<br/>
it does not come and it does not come.</p><p>new things will have to do.<br/>
maybe that’s why you were given this new body:<br/>
so you could come to tomorrow and to do<br/>
the same things you’ve always done,<br/>
just with new people.</p><p>the new things are your home and your friends<br/>
and the food and the people and cars and<br/>
internet- that’s a fun one-<br/>
and<br/>
everything is new.</p><p>
  <em> iii. </em><br/>
you blink.<br/>
your mouth forms the only word<br/>
you will cling to after the universe stops expanding.<br/>
</p><p>you blink.<br/>
he remembers.<br/>
he doesn’t.<br/>
you blink again and again,<br/>
willing the years to catch up <br/>
to the both of you.</p><p>you blink.<br/>
he touches your hand.<br/>
this is what this body was made for:<br/>
loving him.</p><p>the old body and the new one<br/>
met in a single purpose,<br/>
spinning on the axis of one man;<br/>
the sun, the moon, the ground beneath your feet.</p><p>you breathe.<br/>
he blinks.<br/>
yeah.<br/>
this is it.<br/>
this is the beginning and end<br/>
of everything you have ever cared<br/>
to hold close to your aching heart.</p><p>he says your name,<br/>
the only voice you have ever turned to<br/>
because you know it like you know your own life.</p><p>he’s the reason you’ve always lived.<br/>
no, that’s wrong.<br/>
reason implies that there was a choice,<br/>
a causation behind loving him.</p><p>you laugh.<br/>
you touch his cheek.</p><p>it was.<br/>
it is.<br/>
you <em> are. </em></p><p>you are his,<br/>
as surely as the clench of his jaw,<br/>
the jut of his nose,<br/>
the smirk in his eyes,<br/>
and he is yours.</p><p>that is the only truth.<br/>
he is your greatest weakness<br/>
and only source of strength.<br/>
the alpha and omega of your own damn alphabet,<br/>
like he’s got some freaky powers <br/>
to make your heart thud in your chest<br/>
even though your heart rate rests far lower than the average human.</p><p>he doesn’t have any of that though.<br/>
he’s just got the same truth as you do.</p><p>you blink.<br/>
you run your thumb along his cheekbone.<br/>
he says something, and it means nothing-<br/>
absolutely goddamn nothing <br/>
in the face of his skin touching yours.</p><p>you kiss him.</p><p>yeah. that’s it.<br/>
that’s what this body was made for.</p><p>you met him in the face of all impossibility<br/>
because soulmates don’t exist,<br/>
but you love him, and that’s enough to rewrite the universe <br/>
so you could meet him again.</p><p>you kiss him. again.<br/>
again you kiss him<br/>
and he kisses you and<br/>
this is what you were made for.</p><p>warmth floods your veins,<br/>
spiralling gold of summer afternoons<br/>
and winter evenings spent huddled together.</p><p>he says something,<br/>
and you listen this time,<br/>
with both of your good ears.</p><p>“i can’t believe you, punk,”<br/>
he says,<br/>
and you start crying.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments and kudos are <i>always</i> appreciated, whether you consider yourself a poetry person or not!</p><p>(Also I tend to prefer some British spellings. Spiralling has two L's and no one can tell me otherwise, not even my theory teacher who constantly marked up the "s" on my towards last semester because toward is BORING and the British are right about that "s" so I kept using it! Thank you for coming to my ted talk.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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